One of the highlights on our adventure to the land of silicone and Botox, was dinner with an old friend, who moved to L.A. from Seattle to pursue a career as a screenwriter. We had an amazing dinner at a small Nicaraguan restaurant, and an even more engaging conversation on art, passion, talent, and drive. He related how he had gotten meetings with some very connected producers. “I just pick up the phone and start calling.” It reminded us of the time that Carrie was asked by a local Seattle morning show to set up an in studio for a nationally touring band. We were friendly with the band, but had no idea how to get a hold of them. The management company that was promoting their tour wouldn’t give Carrie the time of day. “Who are you, and who are you with?” they asked. Not taking no for an answer, Carrie kept cold calling until she finally got the bands personal manager. “Sure, that would be great, I will set it up,” he said. By coincidence, our friend is also a musician, and knows the manager in question.
I posed the question, “so what do you do if you are passionate about something that you realize you may not be talented at in a way that would make you successful.”
Being both a musician and a writer, he shared how he had applied for a series of post graduate music programs. After being repeatedly rejected, he humbly admitted that as much as he loved music, maybe he was a better writer, or at least more likely to be successful at it. Having two parents who were doctors, and expecting him to go to medical school, he was already pursuing his passion over material success, (or even parental validation, which can be a force of nature to resist.)
But what is success? On a superficial level this is an easy question to answer. Some would tell you that it can be quantified in terms of market share, record sales, best seller lists, or critic reviews. I remember a proud mother showing me an article from the L.A. times, reviewing her daughters gallery show. She shared how the daughter told her, “they described me as an artist Mom. I always wanted to be called an artist.” The art world is a fickle place. Looking for external validation, especially if it has a direct correlation to your personal self confidence, can be a dangerous strategy.
On the other hand, perhaps out of fear of rejection, or simply lack of initiative, some people pursue a strategy of never putting themselves out there. Our friend related how as president of the North West Screenwriters Guild, he would meet writers who always had an excuse for why they hadn’t written. They would blame their husbands, or their family, or their hectic lives. I say start living or start dying. If you are truly passionate about your craft, commit, and start doing. Only time and experience will hone your skills so that when and if opportunity presents itself, you can seize the moment. If and when that moment comes, if you are focused on the external then fear of either success or failure will cause you to hesitate, and the moment may pass
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Another musician friend is more talented than she knows. Externally she appears to be empowered, almost to the point of being cocky. She has a wicked sense of humor, a quick wit, and delights in shocking people. Just like Carrie, she is not afraid to engage in topics of substance, so it is not surprising that Carrie and she became close friends. Both share a traumatic past, and instead of being shocked or feeling sorry when the friend confided some of the more sordid events, Carrie was empathetic and encouraged her to work through and move past them, having done so herself. Carrie is also relentless in her insistence that these things must be dealt with, or the baggage will weigh one down and influence one to pursue paths that are in conflict with your long-term happiness. I think because of this, their relationship is tumultuous, as the friend struggles with whether to subvert her past, or deal with it, (which could be painful, and force some uncomfortable changes in her present life.)
As she is a talented musician, Carrie saw the opportunity to connect her with our network of friends in the music industry. This culminated with a friend, who is respected in the industry, helping her record a demo which we all felt should open some doors for her. All of us that is, accept for Wolverine, who is very self critical about her music. So what is it that drives us past our fears to success, and what is success?
The friend who recorded the demo has had success. He was the drummer of arguably one of the most famous bands to come out of the Seattle scene. He was with them when they broke, but quit just before they exploded, (rescuing us from the likes of Poison and Loverboy.) For years he refused to give interviews, or explain the reasons why he left the band. The music press did what they typically do; they made up their own history, and in my opinion, because they felt slighted that he refused interviews, marginalized his role in the band, and his talent. He was with the band longer than any other drummer, recorded what many purists believe is their best album, and has the respect of every other musician I have met in the Seattle scene, including those who are still internationally recognized. So if it wasn’t talent that caused his departure, and continues to keep him in relative obscurity, then what is it?
His successor, who went on to start yet another very successful band was once asked in an interview about his predecessor. He revealed that many of the tracks on the album that exploded the band into superstardom, had already been written and recorded when he joined, and that he re-recorded them beat for beat. When asked who the better drummer was, he replied with humility that it was the other. These two drummers are completely different in their styles, so in all fairness the question may have no answer. One is very improvisational, more of a jazz drummer than punk, rock or “grunge,” the other a human drum machine who can replicate any style. In that difference I believe lays the answer to why our friend left the band, and continues to shun the spotlight.
The psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi describes those experiences which people find most rewarding, as those that challenge us just to the edge of our capabilities, but not beyond them. Allowing worry or doubt to intrude restrains you from achieving these optimal states of productivity. I have always said that the secret to anything is not knowing you can't, which looked at another way is that optimal success does not have a lot of room for self doubt, fear of failure, or just as damaging, fear of success. If you are successful doing something that you love, you might fear that you would grow to hate it. One might also speculate that success also can be limiting, because it creates expectations, and to meet those expectations you might have to compromise, or continue doing things the same way, to a formula, which will eventually trap you into doing this thing that you once loved, but that is no longer challenging or rewarding because now you are not allowed to grow beyond it.
Musicians especially can fall into this trap as fans and or labels and management do not want to take risks, for fear you will grow in a direction away from your market or fan base, which then is inherently at odds with an artist, who by nature wants to explore and take risks.
In my opinion, one artist who exemplifies the ability to both take creative chances, and have a long and successful career, is David Bowie (another would be Johnny Cash.) “Let’s Dance” was just as relevant in the eighties as “Ziggy Stardust” was in the seventies. When I first heard “Tin Machine” I didn’t like it, but it laid the foundation for bands like Nine Inch Nails, which he later collaborated with. The aforementioned drummer, while on his first national tour after being signed to SubPop, introduced the lead singer to Bowie in a record store in New York, and it heavily influenced his later work.
Part of Bowie’s success can be attributed to the fact that he is one of those rare combinations of talent, passion, and business acumen. There is a story of his early career, when he was still relatively unknown, of him hiring a limo, outfitting it with a large entourage, and then hiring a group of “fans” to wait anxiously at the Hotel for his arrival. This created such a buzz around town that he then played to a sold out show that night. The cold hard facts are that in the art world, talent without marketing will toil on in obscurity. Some artists are O.K. with obscurity, and in fact pine for it even after success. We see this in Seattle, where bands such as Pearl Jam delight playing un-announced shows in small clubs under assumed names, or in disguise. In part this tactic also validates them as artists, just as Steven King publishes under pseudonyms, which validates him as an artist independent of the “brand name.” If you are passionate about your art, and need more resources to explore that passion more, but lack the business sense, you had better find a Colonel Parker to your Elvis.
If you pursue you passion, success (or the people who will market you) may or may not find you. If your passion is a means on to itself, this may be all that you desire, but remember that if you are true to your passion and yourself success will not preclude this fulfillment. I recently saw an interview with the CEO of Starbucks, and what came across to me was that despite his success, not because of it, he was and always had been very passionate about coffee. When your passion is a means to an end, and not just an end on to itself, you can never be completely focused on what is most fulfilling, your passion. Only by getting in the “zone,” by letting our passion use us, can we truly perform at our optimum potential. If we do not find our passions rewarding in and of themselves, do we really believe that we will be fulfilled with the fruits of those labors?
