This weekend has been a busy one. I said goodbye to one of my favorite cars. Sad about that, to some extent. It has to happen, though. Too many cars. This Mercedes was a great car. Reliable. I used it as an "estate car" hauling hay and feed to the farm. Posts for fences, all measure of things of farm-y importance. Recently it has served as a vehicle to haul tons and tons of stuff to charity. I'll have to use the truck for that now. Still, seeing it go today was *a bit* sad. It had been a great car, and in the nice weather it had a sunroof to open and let the very rare "Washington State sunshine" in. Still more to go. We've decided to sell the very first car we ever bought together--a white 1962 Mercedes 220 SEB Coupe. I love this car, too....we brought Ben home from the hospital in it--and when he was a toddler, he liked to go inside it and pretend to drive. I have to admit I was a little worried that he would follow in our footsteps and be auto-obsessed, too. It's not a curse you would wish on anyone.
Now that we are purging I am able to really observe what these cars mean to me, after collecting all these years. I've reached a breaking point. I see that they are great cars, they hold memories for me. I also see that they all need work. When you have as many as vehicles as we do, the work-list piles up. Add other interests in life and it just goes out the window. There was just no way to juggle the house that needed remodeling, a huge piece of acreage that needed grooming, the labors of a farm (animals, upkeep), children, boats--and countless other crazy pursuits. There's just no time to deal with multiple cars, even if they have value (which they do). Vince has even decided to sell the 1957 Oval window Bug....before any of you get all excited, we have a friend who gets first right of refusal, and knowing how he appreciates wonderful things, he may very well embrace the little thing. It's as cute, well, as a Bug! These decisions aren't easy, but life is changing, and we are finding that our old way of looking at things just doesn't fit anymore. Time to move on. New life is waiting.
This brings me to the next thing on the menu. I have found something happening with this purging process that I didn't expect at all. I have been questioning EVERYTHING, including my friendships/relationships I have with other people. I have a tendency to give, give, give in relationships, and ask nothing in return. Sometimes I don't even ask for respect. Well, that has been my policy. Up until now. The way I see it, big life changes call everything into question. I am seeing my own shortcomings--and the shortcomings of the people around me. This is making me less tolerant of any bullshit. I'm done trying to "make" relationships work. Sure, I'll put in my time, but if all I ever get in return is lack of respect I'll have to say "pass." I want people in my life who are considerate, loving, selfless and honest in their dealings with me. A person doesn't necessarily have to be a Saint (I'd rather they not be-lol), but they have to have love at their core--and be willing to share it. It is my belief that people can change in time, but if someone puts no effort forth at all to become a better person then again, I say "pass." Maybe time will do people good...for them, trust will come eventually....this path is their own. Surrounding themselves with more fucked up people who give them positive affirmations about how awesome they are is not self-improvement. Part of being a friend to someone is giving and recieving constructive criticism, and being able to take it--on both sides. I guess it just boils down to the fact that I've decided to place more importance on the people we bring into our lives. It's time to take responsibility for it, not just sit back and wonder why I have negative energy around when I invited it in in the first place. Also, I have to say that these aren't bad people, just not people I can have in my life. Making changes, that is what this is all about.
On the upside, now that I have been moving farther down this road of change I see different people gravitating towards me. Vince and I are thrilled with the people we have in our life right now, and we are looking forward to many happy boating adventures in the future. Our true friends prodded us into action in this life-change. They are the people who challenge us, and push us out of our comfort zone. Change is never easy. Re-accessing your life and prioritizing isn't easy. The end result will be worth it.
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