Old Careers Never Die, They Come Back to Haunt You Once and Awhile.

I went to a benefit last night for Habitat For Humanity on Bainbridge Island. The star attraction was a friend who is a real estate agent. She does a stand-up comedy routine ALL about real estate and all the trials and tribulations involved in that business. I have to admit, being a real estate agents for over 10 years, some of it was pretty damn funny. If you are in any business your have some pretty funny stories regarding the ins-and-outs of whatever it is that you are doing. Real estate is a special animal. I met some of the best friends I have ever made when I sold them a house. I also completely HATED the business...especially other real estate agents. They were some of the WORST people I have ever met. The most morally bankrupt, souless, altogether AWFUL people I've met in my life have been real estate agents. I can literally count on my hands the admirable folks I met that were part of the biz. Bridget is one of those agents. She's one of the good ones.

To continue my personal rant on real estate, I have to say that being in the business during the decline of the mortgage industry, I saw the criminal acts that were occuring to help drive our economy into the ditch. Homebuyers who didn't have to qualify based on their income to buy a home. They couldn't afford a home--you wouldn't loan these people money to buy a scooter, let alone a house! Yet people looked the other way, and they got their loans--and homes they couldn't afford which they later defaulted on. The real estate industry WAS responsible for part of what happened. You could see what was happening--if someone couldn't afford a home and you helped them buy it, YOU are complicit...bottom line. Just because you CAN doesn't mean you SHOULD. I had one mortgage broker that I used in the day, and I was completely aware of what my clients were capable of buying. I NEVER had anyone buy a home that couldn't afford it. No "interest only" crap in my book...I smelled a rat on that business. I just felt that it was important to maintain that kind of standard for myself. It was the right way to do things. I would also have the mortgage broker sit down with the client in the early days of looking for a home. She would explain to them EXACTLY what their loan would entail, what the terms were and how much they could comfortably qualify for. This put us on the right track in the pursuit of their home, and not have them looking at homes they couldn't afford.

As for the other agents, I just never fit in. I never wanted to. I completely hated these people. Not my tribe. Many of them would stab you in the back to get one step in front of you. I was always the person to try and help the new agents get on their feet, or if someone was having a problem, I would do what I could to help them. I love the people I sold houses to--they are still some of the best people I know. The other agents--many of which I saw last night...auuugh! Glad not to work with you anymore.

The Insane Plan

When I tell friends of our decision to sell the farm, I am typically met with open mouthed stunned stares of disbelief. I think that the reason for this, before I even get to telling them about the live aboard boat part, is also the reason why this is such a good decision: I had too many ideas for the farm.
For the last 15 years I have not only been spending almost every spare moment working on improving the farm, but also planning and drawing out what I want to do next. I have shared many of these plans with the now incredulous friends, and thus their reaction is not surprising.
It all really started twelve years ago with the first Tractorfest. We spent the better part of the summer clearing and leveling the field, campsites, and building a stage. It was an amazing day, with great music and good times with friends that has built some enduring friendships. Preparing for this annual event ironically made us somewhat anti-social. We always seemed to set the bar a little higher, and so when we saw a house in Hansville was going to be torn down, we saw an opportunity to get the materials to build a recording studio.
We stripped the house, salvaging as much of the roof and interior as possible, and then cut the walls and subfloors into ten and twelve foot sections, later to be reassembled as 12 by 20 cabins back at the farm. In the process we called in a lot of favors, but our friends seemed to revel in our crazy scheme.
The studio got built first, and has functioned as a practice space, recording studio, guest house, party room for the kids, (it is really nice to send a bunch of noisy kids out to a completely separate building,) and more recently as a Home theater with a ten foot wide projection screen. The guest house got built next, at a 90 degree angle to the first building, and then I cut cedar beams to frame up the truss that support the roof over the stage that is built in between them. That stage hosted the bands for Chloe’s sweet sixteen, as well as the tenth anniversary Tractorfest. The concrete work for the courtyard still needs to be done, but it is already an epic stage.
When I was approached by the owner for Burma Queen, a 56’ 1926 steam boat, about moving her to our property to save her, an unexpected opportunity presented itself. Jerry had a bulldozer with a six way blade that he lent me to do the dirt work to clear a site for the boat. The other two bulldozers I had already acquired were very tired, and while I had Jerry’s machine, I was able to do a lot of things I had wanted to do for awhile, like finish the road off the back of the property to connect with the old logging road on the 200 acres of timber trust, clear and level, build a circular drive around the front of the house, and do the site work to level the back of the house in preparation to put in the footings for an addition.
I had big plans for the house too. I was going to use Insulated Concrete Forms to put up a retaining wall and load bearing walls for the addition. This would have housed a mechanical room, sauna, work space, a solarium (it has good southern exposure for passive solar gain,) and expanded the upstairs and downstairs bathrooms. I was also going to add a loft bedroom when I reworked the roofline.
A friend who builds water features and owes us a favor was going to build a waterfall on the lower end, which was going to instigate yet another project to build a cedar lodge perched above it. Even further out was a subterranean recording studio above the waterfall, which I had already cleared a spot for. Then there was also the boat I cut in half as a club house for Katrianna, or the other half that was going to a balcony/ bar behind the stage.
So when people look at me and say, “Why are you selling the farm, you had so many plans,” they are also answering the question. I had so many plans, it was going to take the rest of my life to get them all done. For the last fifteen years I have been driving past my prize possession, our sailboat Gullmar, to work on a house that is worth half as much, while thinking I would get to it soon. They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Thinking I was going to get it all done and go sailing into the sunset was pure insanity. Now we have a sane plan to do just that.

Resolution-By Vince

I’ve heard people say that you will do all the things you always wanted to do to your house just before you sell it. I had always scoffed at this notion, but now have to admit that at least in my current situation, this adage looks to be true. After discussing this with several coworkers, they shared additional data points to support this conclusion.
So what is it about the human experience that causes us to put off all of these changes until we have made the decision to move on? Several explanations come to mind.
Is it ego? We all seek validation, and want people to see value in what we have accomplished. Do we finish things just before we pass them on in order to validate the vision we had of what they could be? In our current situation I am trying to be much more pragmatic about what I do, or don’t do, to prepare the house for sale. This is not because I am above wanting to seek validation, but purely out of practicality. There is simply too much to finish for me to even contemplate trying to do it all. In fact, that there is so much to do was core to our decision to move on. I could spend the next thirty years working on the house and the property at the expense of doing the things that truly inspire me. Right now we are in triage mode. What must be finished in order to get the house to sell quickly and smoothly. We are prioritizing the things that could lead to questions, and or require having to hire out to correct before closing. We want the new owners to have a good foundation on which to customize their new home to fit their needs. What we do not want to do are things that are to our tastes that the new owners will tear out and do over.
Is it the focus that comes with getting a clear vision of where you want to go that helps you make these choices? In our case this is certainly a major factor. As I mentioned, we are performing Triage. It is a lot easier to decide just to put the drywall back up when you are not still debating if you should install hydronic heating tubes under the floor first. When you aren’t going to live with a decision for forty years, you can distance yourself emotionally enough to see that you were never going to install that tubing anyway, so just finish it, paint it a neutral color, or don’t if you don’t have time, and let the next guy figure it out. Let them decide what color tile they want in that bathroom.
Another factor in our case is that we were always working around stuff. Now that we are downsizing and preparing to move out, I can see us having most of the furniture and stuff out of the house before we sell it. It is a lot easier to repaint or fix the drywall in an empty room, or finish the counters in the kitchen when you are moved out, or close to it.
Some of the issues we simply can’t put off. For instance, when we bought the house our agent talked us out of having a survey. She was the selling agent on our property, and the listing agent on the five acres next door that was closing about the same time. She swore up and down that she had walked the property with the sellers, and that they had had the property surveyed and staked. I have been over every square inch of that property and have never found a single stake. Now with the advent of Google earth, Zillow, and the like you can go look at satellite imagery with the parcels and lines marked out. Lo and behold, the property line runs right thru the neighbor’s mobile home, which was sited while we were waiting to close. We have consulted with a lawyer, and we know what needs to be done. We will have to pay for a survey, and go negotiate with the neighbor to do a property line readjustment. We've known it for awhile, but it is easy to procrastinate when you have time.
I remember a conversation Care and I had with a friend over coffee about transformative moments. We were talking about addiction, and other self destructive behavior patterns, and he made the comment that people decide to change under two circumstances. One, they are at rock bottom, have lost everything, and thus have everything to gain by changing, or, they have nothing to lose, and see the possibilities.
Our decision to sell the house and go back to boating has definitely forced us to lose some of our preconceptions about what was and wasn’t possible, and shed some of our baggage. In hindsight, we had nothing to lose that we really needed, (or that in reality was just weighing us down,) and we are definitely for the first time in years seeing the possibilities.

Crawl Out of the Box.....

Seems like my world has been revolving around boxes lately. Pull the boxes out of the closet, look at what is in the boxes, cancel or allow? Maybe boxes have been my entire life, come to think of it. I've never wanted to live in one, but I have, and I do. Getting ready to leave this particular box...not trading up for a new box, gonna leave the box completely.

In the last few years I have crawled out of the mental box I had made for myself. Sometimes change is difficult. I feel that everything we learn about the way we live is trained into us from a very early age. You are supposed to go to college, have a career, get married, buy a house, have kids, Buy shit to put in your house, buy cars that you are supposed to drive, go on vacation once and awhile, and most importantly: don't look outside your box. Stay in your box. Lather, rinse, repeat. This should go on until the end.

The end...which leads me to the obvious conclusion--why? Why should you do the "normal" thing, the thing that you are told to do? Will the fabric of the Universe unravel if you do something completely different? I have walked the road less-traveled and I can tell you that NOTHING happens when you do something abnormal. The sky doesn't fall, your relationship doesn't end, your children don't hate you. It's about questioning why you are doing what you are doing. If, at the end of this internal dialog you are happy, truly happy where you are at--good for you! If you aren't...well, look at the changes you can potentially make. Why not?

The only people I care about are sitting in this box with me right now (and one little person in a box in Olympia). They are excited about the new journey we will all be taking together. I don't give a crap what any of my friends think--pretty much any of my family at large. I just don't give a rat's ass. Doesn't matter to me. They will either support us in our decision to do what we feel passionate about, or they won't. We are so lucky to have so many awesome people in our life. It's about throwing the lines off, taking chances....you only have one life. Live it.

Out of the Closet...

Today I didn't clean at all. Didn't set one foot in the dreaded closet of doom (which is almost empty now, by the way) I did get done things that needed to get done. I sat on the phone with an insurance company for hours...*sigh* I have come to the final conclusion, and at the end of our long and arduous journey, that we are all well fucked in this country with regards to health care. I really mean it. It's criminal, this system. We pay insurance companies money, and they spend their resources paying people to figure out how NOT to pay legitimate claims....it's a joke. Enough on that...when it's all done, and I have a nice fat check in my hands I'll fill you in on all the details. I'm told that it will be any day now. I have learned not to believe anything they tell me.

Vince and I spent part of the evening looking at what we like to call "boat porn." This is shopping for boats. We usually spend a bit of time kicking the tires of boats we can't possibly afford...unless I can dig through the couch and find an extra 7 million in the cushions. I've seen boats that are INSANE, so much money. We have simple tastes...I think we just like to marvel at the amount of money people are will to spend on outfitting a yacht. Even if we had money like that, I would have a hard time spending it on a boat. Oh hell, what am I saying...no I wouldn't! I'd go out and find the yacht that was most worth saving, something that was on the brink of being lost forever. I'd restore it for posterity. That is the beauty of boats, they don't really BELONG to you...you are simply a steward for a point in time, and it is up to you to restore the boat in the manner that is in keeping with how she was put together originally. I see some terrible, terrible restorations on historic wooden boats. People think that modern technology has brought forth ways to make old wooden boats "better." Epoxy is a usual suspect in this endeavor to ruin boats. A wooden boat is a living, breathing thing. It's a system. Slapping epoxy into a wooden boat is like putting a plastic bag over your head. You'll kill it. It will still look pretty. For awhile. Ultimately these boats that have been restored in this manner will be lost. It's a shame.
That is one of the things we encounter when we go shopping. What will we find? Good or bad? We know our stuff....we know good from bad, which is great for us, but it's still sad to see abused old boats. We have to find a good living old being to take on. Rough around the edges, perhaps, but all there..ready to be loved.
Anyway....more work tomorrow. I could go on about wooden boats all night. Then again, that's love. Or sickness. Which is which? Who cares.

Busy versus Competent--by Vince

In a country that seems more and more to value throw away and buy it new over maintain and repair, I am lucky to live in a county where there are still a number of small repair businesses. I think this is most likely due to large presence of Naval repair activities in our area, but regardless, as a Do It Yourself type person, I appreciate the choices it gives me.

Recently in the course of refurbishing my steam cleaner, I found the motor needed some minor repairs. I looked up several local motor repair shops, and selected one convenient to my commute. On the way home, I stopped off, got the motor out, and carried it into this business.

I was immediately struck when I entered by the clutter. I had a difficult time finding a space on the counter to set my heavy motor down. There were rows of shelves full of motors with work tickets attached, waiting to be worked, and since these were full, lined along the walkways on the floor were even more. I waited to be helped by the obviously very busy technician. I didn’t mind the wait, because I have always loved to take things apart to see how they worked, so I wandered around the shop, looking at various partially assembled motors.

When it was my turn to be helped, the man was very polite and professional. Meanwhile several more customers had come in behind me. One was dropping something off, and was instructed to leave it by the door on the floor, due to the lack of shelf space. The technician made a call to the manufacturer representative, and I was informed that he would need to research the correct part, so he took my name and number, and promised to call when he had the needed information.

That was on Monday. On Thursday, knowing how busy he was, I called to see if he had the part. He told me no, that the factory rep had yet to call him back, and that he would call him and give me a call back. The following Tuesday, tired of waiting, I had some errands at the other end of the county, and decided to take the motor by a competitors shop.

I was immediately struck by the contrast between the two businesses. There were motors on shelves, but these were display models ready to be sold, not damaged motors waiting to be looked after. Behind the counter I could see the work area. A man was working on a motor, occasionally reaching up for a tool or part, but otherwise not moving. I could see everything clearly labeled on the bins and pegboard, and in contrast there were no other partially disassembled motors waiting for his attention. I was helped immediately, and after explaining what I needed was handed a claim ticket and told it would be ready by mid week. As I left, I glanced back to see the man from the counter pick up my motor, turn, and take two steps to place my motor on the bench directly behind the busy technician. Less than 36 hours after dropping it off, they called to tell me my motor was ready for pickup.

Now some would argue that the clutter of the previous shop was indicative of a high demand for the services of this business. Following the same logic, some would question the quality of the work of the latter, citing the lack of backlog as an indication of a low volume of business. Knowing that the latter business has been there for over 50 years, and is the factory authorized “Baldor” brand repair facility, I have complete confidence in my motor now that they have repaired it. Knowing their proximity to the shipyard, I know they experience a high volume. The reason they have no backlog is because their turnaround time is so fast. Customers typically value three things to varying degrees; cost, quality, and schedule. As the customer in this scenario, I can honestly say that I am satisfied on all three accounts.

From a Lean perspective, the two experiences illustrate what we call the “Eight Wastes.” These are: Rework, Inventory, Overproduction, Waiting, Motion, Transportation, Over-processing, and Waste of Human Capitol. The first business and I had to interact both in person, and then a follow up on the phone, and I’m sure this would have continued had I not given up, and yet none of this rework on the initial attempt by me to communicate what I wanted was getting my motor fixed. With the second business this process step took less than three minutes and only once. The inventory problem was obvious. By any account; number of items, pounds, or variety, the previous business had way more stuff crammed into about the same space. Yet I doubt he had the capacitor I needed, or if he did, would have been able to find it. I’m guessing in all the clutter, there were multiple motors ready for sale, where at the second business I could only see one of each type on display. I waited for over a week before giving up on the first business, but barely a day for a completed product from the second. In the first business I watched the technician walk back and forth between the catalogs, manuals, and phone, and I couldn’t even see where the actual work was done. Even though the first business was closer to my house, I would have had to transport the motor there at least three times; once for the initial request, again once the part was available, and a third time to pick it up. If the amount of rework on the customer request step was any indication, I am sure there would have been more over-processing. Despite the fact that the individual I dealt with initially seemed very intelligent, I never got to observe him use his talents to do any real problem solving, and I doubt that with all the answering of phones and walking around clutter that his skills as an electrical technician are truly being utilized.

So why is it that we admire people who are busy, assuming they are engaged, hard working, and competent? They may be all those things, but are they really accomplishing anything in the process?

Taking Out the Trash...

By the title of this particular blog, you can see that my life has been exceedingly glamorous today. I did get that done, though--the taking out of the trash. It contained more than the usual array of junk. More stuff that had no more use--not even for charity.

This process is requiring that I take out some mental trash as well. I read through Vince's blogging and see one of the reasons I've always tried to keep all these material possessions around me--the idea of scarcity...if I get rid of something I might need later, I'll regret it. Turns out I was just as guilty as Vince about keeping these things (as much as I like to bitch that all this crap is Vince's, I should have gotten rid of it of my own accord....I didn't because I couldn't). I grew up in such a way that I always worried that I wouldn't have enough of certain things. This extends well beyond the measure of material possessions. I have found that there is no scarcity with regards to things like "love," either. That was a big lesson for me--that things can go away with no pain of want, and that love isn't a well that just runs dry one day. Surprising that it took me so long to learn such a seemingly simple lesson, but it did. I learned it through all the amazing people who have come into our lives during the past few years, and some that have been here for the long-haul only to be rediscovered in a new light. I learned it because I was finally ready to hear the message. I guess I should just be glad I figured it out at all....and I am grateful.

I'm looking forward to some great adventures in the future. I've always had the attitude of "nothing ventured, nothing gained"--but with so much less to hold us down, it will be that much easier to move in the directions that we've always wanted to. I love the idea of living on the boat, cruising around the Puget Sound with family and our extended family of friends. Adventure, sharing experiences. These are the thoughts that sustain me through some pretty difficult decisions. I've had to re-home my horse in the last couple of weeks--she still belongs to me, but she will be used as a lesson horse for children at a local stable. That was hard. Really hard. Having a horse had been my dream for as long as I could remember. My first word was "horse." I was absolutely obsessed, in every sense of the word.

I spent time building a life and a family--then, when we moved to this farm 15 years ago, I knew that the dream of owning a horse could finally be a reality. I found Lacey 8 years ago on a farm that I was the selling agent for in my previous career as a real estate agent. She was so beautiful--gorgeous white with little red spots all over, and a big red "V" on her forehead. This is a statement that most people, unless they are horse-crazy girls would never understand, but she "took my breath away." She is half Arabian, half Appaloosa. She and I had a good relationship right off the bat, but she was slow to trust even me. She had been severely abused. I suspect she had been beaten, especially about her head. It took me years to be able to touch her head--her ears. She trusts me completely now, knows that she is always safe and that I love her. That is why it is so hard to see her have a life somewhere else. I feel such a huge responsibilty for her.
I still go and visit her everyday, but it's not the same. She is in the care of someone else now. This was the most difficult decision so far...getting rid of "stuff" is one thing, but Lacey is as close to family as I think an animal can be. She feels like "people" to me.
She taught me the capacity to trust and love--despite her painful past. It amazed me how much she loved children. Both Chloe and Katri learned to ride on her. She was always a loving a patient teacher. I'll never forget Katri when she was little more than a toddler underneath Lacey, reaching up to brush her belly, giant smile on her face--and Lacey looking back at her. She looked so happy, too. Arrghh! It's so hard! I know it's the right decision for her, and me...but it's still so difficult.
I feel like the last few years has been a huge period of growth for me--and us, but it now feels like the learning curve just went up a few notches. I'm handling it.....

Scarcity and Plenty-Vinces view

Lately, my personal journey (Care and I's decision to radically downsize) has also given me plenty to ponder professionally. After years of teaching and facilitating Lean principles in the workplace, the real meaning of the cost of excess inventory has come home, literally.
Stuff, things that do not contribute directly to your quality of life and or the relationships with your friends and family, that do not help create value, just like in business cost you time, money, and quality. In business, this is called "inventory," one of Toyota's eight wastes. Inventory ties up financial resources, takes up space, takes time to move, care for and account for, as well as hiding underlying problems in your processes, such as constraints, and is rarely easily found when you really need it.
Why then, personally or professionally do we insist on packing all this stuff around with us? The answer I believe can be summarized in one emotion; fear. We tell ourselves: I might not have another of these available should I ever need it, or, I might need this someday, or, I might run across somebody who will pay me good money for this, or, if I keep this long enough it will have real value. We look for data to validate this viewpoint, watching intently shows like "Treasure in the Attic" and "Antiques Roadshow." What we miss is that usually people inherit these "treasures" from some lonely aunt or uncle who hoarded this stuff and then died. The other point we miss, is that you don't get a plug nickel until you take it out of the box or curio cabinet and sell it. Unless it contributes directly to the things you and your loved ones value, it has no value.
For me it went a lot further than just traditional collectibles. I have also spent years hoarding materials and tools. Being a very creative person, I am constantly building or making things. In the past there have projects that I could not start or finish because of a lack of material, or that were difficult to complete because I had the wrong tools. Out of frustration or fear, I thought, if I just had more stuff, materials or tools I would be free to create at will, or at least trade or barter for what I needed. I spent years thinking, if I just had more space/ tools/ money/time/ stuff I could truly create unfettered. Meanwhile, the space I did have became filled with stuff I might need, my tools became lost or damaged, my money was tied up in inventory and buying parts to fix the stuff I already had, I spent most of my time trying to keep all the stuff I already had safe while moving it out of the way, and all that stuff instead of freeing me became a cage.
So I was sitting in a meeting today with the Captain of the shipyard, an SES(Senior Executive Service-civilian) , and a bunch of of GS-15's and 14's, and they were discussing process improvement, and how it manifests physically in the working spaces of the shipyard. I was hearing the same thing I had been telling myself. What we really need is more time, space, resources, until one of them piped up and commented that in the private sector Lean event teams are told up front, no more time, money, space. At first glance, this might seem stingy. We are asking people to look at their processes and come up with solutions to save time/ money and or produce better quality, and we think that comes for free? Drawing from my own professional experiences, I joined the conversation and shared that it was real common for me to hear a team talk about needing more (fill in the blank) the first time you visited an area, but, that if they rigorously applied Lean principles, such as 5-S, that by the time you came back again, they were discussing what to do with the excess, and how to keep slipping back into their old habits. In summary, I told them, that our challenge was to look at our world from a perspective of plenty, and not from the world of scarcity we are in the habit of seeing.
When we are honest with ourselves about how much we haven't used or have wasted, we realize that what is really holding us back from producing real value is not a lack of resources, but our own inability to see what we can do with what we already have.

Craptasic!

Took a whole load to charity today....lots of crap no longer under my domain. Yay! Feels good, like a snake shedding itchy skin...The guy unloading it at Value Village looked mightily impressed. He was even more impressed when I told him I'd be back with MORE crap. I think that young man might end up with a box of Christmas crap. I told him it had come out of Susan Silver's Management office years ago--and that Soundgarden and maybe even Nirvana had seen the delightful X-mas swag contained in that box! Selling the dream. I just wanted the stuff back in the day because I used to like Christmas....years of repetitive "Christmas Show" antics have killed that joy for me.....Hell, I even think the Jehovah's Witnesses have it going on when they don't have to celebrate Christmas--and you know how I feel about those people. JW's have it right on with X-mas---but I just can't give up Halloween or Smurfs.

The purge continues....That stuff went away today, plus someone came and got an old dryer that we got from Craigslist (years ago) intending to use for this or that, but never got around to it. The lady who picked it up had no dryer, and couldn't afford another one. Makes me happy when our crap makes someone happy, or fullfills a need. Good stuff.....

We also got an e-mail back from the owner of a boat we are keen to look at. This boat is up in Canada. Most likely head up and see her the first weekend in February....that's the fun part--going and kicking the tires. Shopping for a boat is almost more fun than actually buying one (speaking from experience here).

Little Boxes.....

I'm finding that with this constant purging, looking into countless boxes full of my past/Vince's past/my children's past that I'm not waxing nostalgic. I'm a hitman, a killer--take no prisoners. If I am to obtain the freedom I desire, it HAS to go.
It's a team effort. Vince handles the LARGE objects (like tractors, cars, Implements of destruction) and I handle all the household crap--boxes of baby clothes, magazines and catalogs from the 1940's and 50's, toys, collectibles--lots and lots of collectibles. We have more Coca-Cola stuff than I have ever seen--WAY more than anyone should ever need. I even have a bird's nest collection...that's right, bird's nest collection (I'm going to put them on Craigslist for free--someone out there must collect them, too.) I went through my old real estate transaction boxes---burn, baby, burn. Why was I keeping all that crap? It's been enough years that there is no purpose to hanging onto it anymore. Digging into the past isn't a burden this time (I've tried going through these boxes before--it was near to skull-drudgery), it feels LIBERATING. Really liberating....like letting go of these material possessions is a cleansing process. Re-learning something. Realizing the "things" don't mean a damn thing. As I pick through the bits of the old I see where I want to see us in a year, two years--lounging on some white, sandy beach in the hot sunshine--blue water and relaxation . All these things I don't need won't be burdening my mind because they won't be here waiting for me--they'll be gone. Free.

I'm here to tell you---me, a self-confessed packrat (yes, I'm a packrat just as much as Vince--I'm guilty of holding onto this crap, too...otherwise it would have been thrown away YEARS ago.) that the only thing all this "stuff" does for you is hold you down, unnecessarily burdening you. Stopping you from doing the things you want to do. I'll go further than that. I think even the house that we live in holds us back. Not that the idea of a boat doesn't hold you to a place here or there, it can. The idea that if we wanted to move it to San Francisco, or basically anywhere, we could. This palce, with it's beautiful acreage that beckons you to spend every waking hour making it even more beautiful....it's been our life for the past 15 years, and I don't rgret a minute of it. No regrets--just ready to move on to the next adventure.

I've Got Nothing Tonite

Except for the fact that I think when we finally move onto the boat, I don't think that the lack of television is a bad thing.

Sure, it's masses of entertainment. For example: tonight I'm watching "Steven Seagal: Lawman" If that's not pathetic enough, I started off the evening viewing "American Idol."

I did do something useful today. I helped Talina get some firewood so that she could be warm.

Tomorrow? More cleaning and organizing. I'm sure when I go through some more boxes, the inspiration for writing will return.

Stuff...

I'd love to sit down right now and talk about boats...but the truth is, I've been BURIED in stuff all day. Boxes and boxes of STUFF. I know I've talked about this before, but it just flat-out amazes me how much stuff we've managed to collect over the years.....well, actually, a lot of this particular stuff was Vince's. Boxes of childhood stuff--toys, papers and random other-ness. He has every Lifeguard "CPR" card he ever received when he was a kid--a total of 8. Also, tons of various Star Wars stuff...comic books, toys, books, models, cards. That stuff we're going to take to Aberdeen to a wonderful "all Star Wars" shop. See if the old guy wants any of it...we'll trade him some something (ONE thing) that is cool and hopefully, small. Vince also has drawings and other art that chronicles his advancement artisically from the time he could hold a pencil. I have none of this. Mine is all gone--either by accident or on purpose. I have NO schoolwork, or artwork from my childhood. I have one letter I wrote to my Grandma when I was about five. That's it. I travel light, I guess. I think if we had two of us collecting it would have pushed me over the edge. When Vince came home from work today he was all amped up about getting Ben's scholarship process moving--raving about how we had to get "on it right away!" This was met with no shortage of frustration on my part, having been digging through copious amounts of this crap all day. Poor guy. He most likely wasn't prepared for the stark-raving lunatic of a wife who had been weighing the options of retaining worthless stuff all day. I had had it. I did weigh the option of getting rid of the Tom Selleck collector plate from the 80's that my sister gave me for Christmas. I'm keeping it. Maybe I'm not out of the woods with all this stuff.....it's what we value that is amazing. Why do I want THAT?

We also have a metric buttload of Coca Cola stuff. I have bottles and bottles and bottles. Some full, some empty. Collectible 6-packs with Coke still in them. From Christmas of certain years, Olympics of others, NASCAR--why I have these, I couldn't tell you--V and I hate all things NASCAR....I guess when it's printed on a Coke bottle it's acceptable somehow. I don't know. I do know that it all has to go.

Tomorrow I plan on doing things outside, even weather not permitting. I can't look at this stuff anymore.

The Shift in Priorities.....

Have you ever felt your world shift in an instant? I have. Many times. It's always better when it's something positive in the shifting, changing your life for the better. This shift happened innocently enough over a breakfast with our dear friend who we've known for the better part of 25 years. He has recently purchased a boat (which Vince found for him)....time to cut loose from being a self-professed "Land Baron" to something a little more practical....yes, I think wooden boats are practical. When Vince found it for him, I knew he would love it, and better yet--he would SAVE it. This boat was well worth saving, and it was the beginning of a new life for both him and the boat. I also think in saving these boats, you might save a little of yourself--or at least that's what I'm hoping. A better quality of life. The freedom to live unconventionally, and to live in the splendor of a timeless thing of beauty. Helping our friend move into the world of boats got the wheels in our head turning--why are we living the way we are? Our friend pointed out, quite nicely, that we had too much crap to concentrate on the import aspects of our life. I/we have understood this for awhile, but it was a new concept thinking that we could leave this life COMPLETELY. It's not that we had "failed" at what we had been attempting. Our needs had changed rapidly, yet we were doing the same thing we had always done. We needed a good, swift kick in the pants. I think that it was perfect that it had come from someone we had known for so long, and who we held in such high regard.

We have lived here in Kingston on our farm for almost 16 years now. It's a great little town complete with two grocery stores, a feed store, various little mom 'n' pop businesses and a ferry that takes you and your car over to the big city. The farm has taken up a good portion of our time, (all of our time, truth be told) but it has provided a wonderful life for us all these years. We've done some amazing things here on these 7 acres. I got the horse I had always wanted, Vince got to have tractors and dirt moving implements (he loves them), we had great, big concerts during the Summer and had massive amounts of fun with our friends and family. We also raised our kids here. They had so many happy hours on this beautiful property with nature trails and huge old trees. When we moved in our oldest was in Kindergarten--he's now in his 2nd year of college. It feels like it's time to move on.

We lived on a boat back before we bought this house. We found our sailboat in San Diego when Vince was stationed there. A 1938 50 ft. sloop built in Sweden. We didn't want to buy a house there, as we knew we ultimately wanted to be in the Northwest. Our families were in Seaside and Astoria, Oregon. It was always our goal to be closer to them. Buying a boat seemed a natural thing to do. Well, not really. I'd never lived on a boat, but we were young enough and crazy enough to try it out, and it ended up being one of the happiest times in our life. Raising tiny kids on boats didn't scare me a bit. Ben was 2 1/2, Chloe was just a little wee-one (they are 16 months apart). It was a grand adventure. I will probably blog in the future about my memories of our life on "Gullmar"...it helps pull things into perspective as to why this life is so appealing to us now.

So....we are back to the decision to sell the farm and move onto a boat. We have lots of work to do before we can actually realize this dream. For those of us who know us, it may seem like an impossible task. We've collected quite a few things over the years. Cars, trucks, boats, trailers (cool 1950's trailers) and stuff, stuff, stuff......more stuff than anybody should ever need in a lifetime. We have it, and it's currently being inventoried, sifted through, listed and sold or simply given away. I have gone through so many boxes of our collectibles, paperwork (tons) and just plain junk. It has left me wondering why we thought we needed all this crap in the first place! It's a good thing to do, to purge all this stuff and move on. It feels like we have placed ourselves into some sort of self-inflicted corral, surrounding ourselves with all these possessions, keeping us in place. All this "stuff" has stopped us from doing the things we love--or at least made them so much more difficult. The farm has been a blessing, and we have no regrets. It is time to change things up, though.